On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked
his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body.

She said, “I can’t wear your pants.”

“That’s right,” intoned the groom, “And don’t you forget it. I’m the
one who wears the pants in the family.”

The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on.

“No way. I can’t get into your panties.” he said.

“That’s right. And that’s the way it’ll be until you change your
attitude.” she said and smiled.

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
generally looked like an extra in “Twister”. I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the “cruise control” and then went in
the back to make a sandwich.

There was a young lady named Gloria
Who had sex with Sir Wilfred DuMoria,
Then with 26 men,
Sir Wilfred again,
And the band from the Waldorf- Astoria.

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

– Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

What’s the object of a Jewish football game?

To get the quarter back!

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things on
the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
“Dividers” that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the “Divider” looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
bar code she said to me “Do you know how much this
is?” and I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I
don’t think I’ll buy that today”. She said “OK”
and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue to what had just happened…..

There was an old man of Stamboul
With a varicose vein in his tool.
In attempting to come
Up a little boy’s bum
It burst, and he did look a fool.

Education and intelligence aren’t the same thing!

Q: What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

CBS is making a movie based on Marcia Clark’s book about
the OJ Simpson trial. Casting has not yet begun, but
Marlon Brando has expressed interest in playing the mountain
of evidence.