“If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was
standing on the shoulders of giants.”

– Isaac Newton

“If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants
were standing on my shoulders.”

– Hal Abelson

“In computer science, we stand on each other’s feet.”

– Brian Reid

There once was a fellow named Trete
Who from birth was inclined to be neat.
He became extra fussy
When he thought his pants mussy,
And would throw them away in the street.

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old
next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come
over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong? He
replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’

I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T
error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’
Eric grinned…. ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

‘No,’ I replied. ‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it
out.’
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard.

Two English sheep in a field.
One says to the other “I’m not feeling very well”

The other turns around and replies

“Shut-the-f*ck-up, or you’ll get us all killed”

Sent by paully

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.

– Lazarus Long

A gallant young Frenchman named Grandhomme
Was attempting a girl on a tandem.
At the height of the make
She slammed on the brake,
And scattered his semen at random

According to a new study, Americans now spend 94% of their time indoors.
What do you expect from a culture that goes inside a gym to use a walking
machine?

The Bachelor Diet

Monday

Breakfast – Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow
some toothpaste while brushing your teeth
Lunch – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers”
- those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but
now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a
bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have her stop on the
way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
Afternoon Snack – Drink the maalox
Dinner – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken
three-piece Dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

Tuesday

Breakfast – Eat the coleslaw
Lunch – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety
five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat
whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

Wednesday

Breakfast – Jaws couldn’t eat Breakfast after a night at
El Flasho’s
Lunch – Rolaids and a coke
Dinner – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for
scraps

Thursday

Breakfast – Order out for pizza
Lunch – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber
sack forleftovers.
Dinner – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get
hungry ask the bartender for olives.

Friday

Breakfast – Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds.
Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better
and it’s better for you.
Lunch – Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder
Dinner – Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t
eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

Saturday

Breakfast – Sleep through it.
Lunch – Ditto
Dinner – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts.
Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them
in a hanging basket.

Sunday

Breakfast – Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
Lunch – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.
Dinner – Chicken noodle soup – Call your mom and ask her about
renting your old room.

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.