Think before you think!

–Stanislaw Lec

Do Re Mi Drink

DOUGH… the stuff that buys me beer
RAY….. the guy that sells me beer
ME…… the one who drinks the beer
FAR….. a long run to get beer
SO…… I’ll have another beer
LA…… I’ll have another beer
TEA….. no thanks, I’m drinking beer
That will bring us back to DOUGH

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to
recent bombings and have raised their security level
from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon though, security
levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even
“A Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross”
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran
out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from
“Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the
British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was
during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that
it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to
“Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are
“Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s
white flag factory, effectively paralysing the
country’s military capability.

It’s not only the English and French that are on a
heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the
alert level from “shout loudly and excitedly” to
“elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels
remain, “ineffective combat operations” and “change
sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from
“disdainful arrogance” to “dress in uniform and sing
marching songs”. They also have two higher levels:
“invade a neighbour” and “lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
usual and the only threat they worry about is NATO
pulling out of Brussels.

The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and
their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name
is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents.

The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered
her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his
enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said “Miss Crunt?”

Does God have a navel?
(Florida State University)

A stingy old man of St. Giles
Saved his shillings with miserly wiles.
Just to save a few bob
He would wipe with a cob,
And that way he got piles and piles!

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman
and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the
saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get
a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she
leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now
at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is battered
against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when……..

……..the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

“… You can at least teach a dingo to fetch. The problem is, it can take
years to teach it the difference between a baby and a stick.”
— Kerry Cue (in “The Advertiser”, 13/10/1997)

Hey!! This isn’t a joke but it’s a poem:

Kissing is a habit,
Fucking is a game.
Boys get all the pleasure,
Girls get all the pain.

He says that he loves you,
And you believe it’s true,
But when your stomach starts to swell,
He says to hell with you.

15 minutes of pleasure,
9 months of pain,
3 days in the hospital,
A baby with no name.

The baby is a bastard,
The mother is a whore.
It never would have happened,
If the rubber hadn’t tore.

Thanks

Sent by Zoe_112