“We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.”

– Ray Bradbury

There was a young squaw of Wohunt
Who possessed a collapsible cunt.
It had many odd uses,
Produced no papooses,
And fitted both giant and runt.

Once in a diner, I wanted a Ham & Tomato toasted
sandwich. After about 10 minutes the waitress came back
and apologized. “We don’t have Ham and Tomato toasted
sandwiches but you can have the ‘Special’.” I asked
what was in the Special. “Ham, Tomato, Cheese . . . “

O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when
he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”

Ute SchaedlerLearning the Pilates Method

If you are someone that is new to Pilates, you may not know that it is growing quickly as a form of exercise in the world these days.  Within the U.S. the numbers are reaching an amazing 10.6 million people using it.
The practice of Pilates is gaining speed over the world.
The [...]

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

A daring young maid from Dubuque
Risked a rather decided rebuke
By receiving a prude
In the absolute nude,
But he gasped, “If you only could cook!”

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed
for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the
four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving
should be counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be
alive to qualify.

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken
to work. The little girl asks, “I saw you in your office with your
secretary. Why do you call her a doll?”
Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, “Well, honey,
my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you
wouldn’t believe, she knows the computer system and is very
efficient.”

“Oh,” says the little girl, “I thought it was because she closed
her eyes when you lay her down on the couch.”

The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”