* There are three kinds of people — those who can count and those
who can’t.

There was a young man from Racine
Who was weaned at the age of eighteen.
He said, “I’ll admit
There’s no milk in the tit,
But think of the fun it has been.”

Heard over the radio broadcast of a Chicago baseball game. . .

In the stands here I see a young couple who must be in love — they’re
kissing on every pitch. He’s kissing her on the strikes, and she’s
kissing him on the balls.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it’s getting interesting they are finished until next time…

ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

There once was a man named MacBride
Who fell in a privy and died.
He had a young brother,
Who fell in another,
And now they’re interred (in turd) side by side.

A sign at a Doctor’s office in Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

His And Hers ATMs

HIS:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt

HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written
on it.
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit “cancel”
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

Basic Yoga Lessons for Women

If a woman wants a healthy way of life devoid of any strain and stress, she should start her day with yoga.
First things first, when you roll out of your bed, sit onto a mat on the floor and hug your knees to your chest. Then raise your legs in the [...]