“… powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a nerf ball…”
— Homer Simpson

There was an old harlot of Wick

Who was sucking a coal-heaver’s prick.
She said, “I don’t mind
The coal dust and grime,

But the smell of your balls makes me sick.”

MOST HORRIBLE DRINK

The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is
Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and
consists of a small amount of still-warm ‘very recently attained’ bull
semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A
neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked
great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just
right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our friend was
stuck again.

The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine
until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again
our friend couldn’t tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure
the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that
the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

Ute SchaedlerBenefits of Pilates
The creator of Pilates, Joseph Pilates has now been dead for over 40 years and the demand for his exercise program has never been greater.
Pilates creates body awareness. The focus is on precise movements coupled with steady breathing. All of this required attention changes ones awareness. You learn to train your mind [...]

So, you don’t like jail?

Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.

– Charles Bukowski

Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
Now Mary has a little lamb.

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE
IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell
if he’s in love.” (John, 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will
get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad, 8)

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.
They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts
are… on fire.” (Christine, 9)

At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a
hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

A man who is not a Liberal at sixteen has no heart; a man who
is not a Conservative at sixty has no head.

–Disraeli